we have youth

DIARY: 4380

2012-01-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

As i lay in bed holding onto what i had thought was true, i lay myself quietly listening to soft sad sounds caressing my ears. alone i sleep watching the stars rise above my head near my window i hear the clashing of the elements outside my home. i watch as children play in the spring-like air with others giggling. as i make love to the sounds that gently touch my skin bumps forming as cold air blow from my fan. my hair freshly cut my make up fresh and clean my outfit placed carefully upon my body. i noticed that i have thought a great deal of myself no thought has ever provoked such feeling of joy i noticed how i change who i am only to fit in, but were it really the fact i wanted to understand another i wanted to see how a person felt and acted and why. a simple creation of reincarnation of myself i thought out to find what others longed i found myself changing my name to fit each person a story and a fantasied life. i fell in love with each and everyone for each a different reason. i noticed that each one i created became a reality to me at one point in time. i used it as a gateway to escape what was there as to avoid having to be honest. i broke down the barriers able to finally open my eyes and notice who i was as the waves crashed into my feet i sat i the sand letting the warm sun keep me company. i am the greatest actress to the blind eye as i interlaced so perfectly with the roles i had given myself not once letting myself slide i only enjoyed being a person for casual pastime after much though i realized my only being to be who i was when i was created. no longer will i mask myself behind such lies and stories just the simple pleasure of existence.

BIRDPRIEST

2012-01-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

model: kim @ sigal models
styling: myself
mua:myself

location: local parks and random little shop

Kim did a good job she walked around in the rain for me and she is now signed to an agency so congrats to her! she is a good friend/model of mine so please show her some love for her good job she was a trooper through all the horrendous weather conditions.

M

DIARY:3208

2012-01-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

it's not every day i think about hollow thoughts i try to fill them in as i work my way back up to the surface. i see nothing but blur of lights passing by the wind is kissing my face the sound of clanking cars against the road the snow being collected in their hands. i miss the old stuff before it was all simple i was so dependent of everyone i sometimes feel resentment towards my family for the little things i dont want to feel that way. its like your in an ocean and every second you alive floating into the abyss of the unknown you can't help but imagine if your going to make it if your going to die and right as you begin to drown you swim back up laying on the surface but the air is toxic and you suffocate. so you close your eyes to just fall asleep six feet under its such a sad thought to think this is how you have to live your actual life. i sit my head against the wall behind me propping myself up trying to wake up a pounding headache to my right is a friend slapping my face trying to wake me up and to the left another walking in circles wondering what they should do with me. i see vomit on the floor i had passed out i made myself sick enough to pass out after throwing up. i sat still wondering if this is all there is. i made love to the words and feelings in my head about the girl i had imagined in my sleep. i love her, but its wrong i cant love her im not allowed t0 love her like i am to love a boy. i was sent home and laid in bed but i could only think. i rather be a boy than a girl and i want to love the girl of my dreams. i feel lonely no laughter no speaking no emotions im completely shut down emotionally physically mentally. i lay in bed hugging my sheets to keep warm last i remember was drinking to make this void go away this fucking void i can't seem to fill and the more i try to fill it in the bigger it gets. i feel so alone in a world full of people. everyone has someone or something and i have nothing but ticking clocks and four walls of white. im sad. i wonder if im just dying and this is all in my head a rerun of my life. i feel dead might as well be. ---------dead. someone pulled the cord.

DIARY:82129

2011-11-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

a collection of photographs all together

DIARY: my home (summer)

2011-10-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

i find that no matter how far i go i will always love my first home in columbus, ohio i see myself becoming more nostalgic as i begin to move away from my home here to a new home hopefully in the city where its usually always moving and bustling. i need a change of pace from my slow- county to a fast-state. i will always credit my nostalgic home to be the reason i found so many ideas and things to photograph but i think i out grew a small place and its quite a same as i will miss it here. my home yard in the summer blazed heat in the year of 2011 i say farewell to you and see you soon love you mom and dad, but i find i need to grow and go free somewhere else i will make you both proud of me in the end no matter what i do it will all be for you.

teenage riot

2011-08-31T20:04:00.001-07:00

model: iris
styling/mua: me and rissy

so considering we planned to do a totally different shoot we had a night filled with incidents that we ended up eating chinese food talking about random things speeding to the local grocery store to get a new memory card to only find out i had no money left. we ended up finding a memory card in my mothers closet where we worshiped it for hours and so thus became this random shoot teenage riot by the one and only rissy.

GILDED YOUTH

2011-08-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

model: iris

mua/styling: andi

based around a girl who lives in a plain suburban town we find ways to make things happen and she was a great model and i wish to work with her in the future. its sad to say my make up artist will be moving to a new city to get her hands into more jobs she may find i wish her all the best and im glad i got to work with her once more before she left (even if this is not the last). alright so my set of a rebellious teen set in a "getting-nowhere-town" we created what we could to make gilded youth happen. thanks everyone and enjoy.

LOST

2011-08-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

model: kimtron

mua: andi summer
styling/photos: myself

first time shooting with andi. we got so much air.
enjoy,
marz

FEEL IT ALL AROUND

2011-08-17T15:49:00.001-07:00

model: kim van hyning
mua/styling: Andi summer
location: Andi's home

this was fun we pretty much based the looks on the make up so it was a delicate feel to most of them i believe. i had fun doing this and im glad i met someone as talented as Andi who is a wonderful person so is Kimtron here. anyways enjoy these.

marz

MINNIE IN THE CITY

2011-07-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

MODEL: EMMA @WILHELMINA
location: Town
styling and mua: myself and model

whats all that noise

2011-07-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

MODEL: EMMA @WILHELMINA
location: my yard
styling and mua: myself and model

we shot this real quick prob half an hour while we waited for our pizza to come over cause we had nothing else to do and were bored. yea boredom does give me good inspiration.

welcome to my playground

2011-07-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

Model: Emma c-p
MUA/Styling: myself and model
Location: Local mall

updating the blog with old work from 2010 (2011 coming soon)

Delicate Winter

2011-07-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

Model/Mua/Styling: myself

I was bored on a lonely winter's day and i decided to take a few shots of myself. this is an old set from winter of 2010 and it was one of my faves that i did of myself. now i got nothing cause i can't do worth shit as of late. im kinda in a lul right now, but eventually i'll get something new up.

m

ps- i miss the way i edited and stuff i can't recall how to do it :/ well i can sorta but its been so long oh well

lily, a friend of mine

2011-07-11T09:52:00.001-07:00

She and i have been friends for such a long time, shes made a few posts about me and i feel that i in return need to get her a post of her own. She is unlike many people i know shes drop dead gorgeous, has the most beautiful hair i seen, has a ton of swag, and can take photos and blog like its her religion. She spoke to me on countless times we shared a few moments here and there one day im going to meet her and we're going to make beautiful photos together. she is a kind soul with much to offer people and she needed this post as a thanks and as a dedication for her for being so lovely to me for so many months. i hope she knows i mean everything i just said here and im sorry that i randomly posted this here i never EVER do posts like this where i just dedicate it to one person but shes an exception. here she is the lovely and wonderful lily from england check out her blog and photos:

blog here
flickr here

lily:

DARK OWLS

2011-06-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

models: amelia @wilhelmina and alexa @ awsome models

location: dam near our homes

mua/hair: myself (with help of models)

i never shot at night well i did one time, and im still practicing so this so they helped me out a little bit. i have not shot anything new for seven months so this is as new as i get for the time being. hope you enjoy they did a lovely job and hopefully it looks decent-ish.

enjoy,

WOLF PACK

2011-03-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

model: Kim @ Awsome models

styling: myself

MUA: kim

Location: local park

This is kinda different from what i normally do, i was trying to expand myself on my usual skills and tried new things. now go show her some lovely love cause you know you want to!

thanks guys

the end

39847

2011-03-12T15:43:00.000-08:00

nothing feels new anymore. I done it all nothing else left to do really. Coming home in bi-polar weather and seeing boys and girls run around a yard full of grass with love being made in the air from sun and air. Smells like home. At the end of the day all i hear from my mouth stinging my eyes like daggers tears make rivers which make emotions pure 'you got me' i bite my lip butterflies dying by the bite of a spider fighting for life it dies and withers into nothing. nothing left to say, you got me good and im left for dead. gasping for air from the ocean up. i sit on my window sill wondering what exactly i can do my options are obscure and dried up like sea critters at gift shops. winds are dancing with my tears and hair thats as black as hair may come. darkness falls upon the sky covering its eyes as to let i sleep. i don't think i can get back the time spent with you. chills upon my spine make me bend back hitting my head on the side of the house. birds speak their last words and fall into a deep sleep, but not me. i'm yours and i died. 'i'm got' sputtered again from my words and tears roll again. i lay on the roof watching the world move, but not me. i'm done.

CASAS PRIVADAS

2011-03-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

model: Amelia@wilhelmina

styling and photos: Gracie Cannell and Myself

this shoot was short because i was only gonna follow my friend gracie around so i only got a few

and made it into a smaller picture set :)

melting dreams

2011-02-17T16:40:00.001-08:00

model: Amelia @ wilhelmina Agency

mua/styling: myself and her